Congratulations, you’re engaged! How to deal with friends

I just wrote an article in my examiner column about a couple who got engaged on twitter. What was really amazing was not their engagement, but the audience’s willingness to trash their action. Here’s a group of people who consider themselves very forward thinking (the’re the twitterati after all!) who were very clear not so much what they wanted but what everyone should have. Now it’s true. Wedding Priestess is free with her opinions. You will always hear me say that “the goal of a good wedding ceremony is to create a life long marriage.” Just as often, I’ll opine, “the role of your wedding vows is to serve as the foundation for your marriage.”

But having a point of view about the work you do and stepping on people’s dreams is another thing. Dick Cavett wrote in the NY Times that if you’re going to be rude, you should at least be funny, but you know, there’s really no excuse to be rude. Someone got engaged. It’s none of their business that you don’t think they deserve to be happy. Miss Manners, bless her said it best: Your opinion of me is none of my business. When stuff happens to other people, it’s about them, not about you.

Tip: So when you tell friends and strangers that you’re engaged. And when they respond in a way that isn’t about you? Shake it off if you can, because after all you’re the bigger person and you have something to be really happy about. But you can always ask them, “wow, so what is that bringing up for you that my happiness makes you so unhappy…” People’s judgementalism is none of your business. See whether there’s a good message (jumping of a cliff is a bad idea, maybe I should reconsider) and if not, understand that some people can’t tell the difference between you and them…

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