In Great Gratitude: Happy Thanksgiving

Last night on Facebook I noticed one of “my” brides celebrating her husband, with whom she was happily keeping promises. I got the goofiest smile on my face.

Just so you know, there is no greater joy than your success as individuals, as couples and as families. Thank you for letting me play a role in celebrating your lives.

Tip: Let’s hear it for Love and its infinite power to change things. And let’s hear it for the daily gratitude that keeps our hearts overflowing.

Give up the Holidays Fraught with Tension

Are you dreading the thanksgiving dinner with all the family dynamics?

Why?

It’s just food and family. There’s nothing more wonderful.

If there’s too much tension going on, dial it back. Dial back your expectations of the meal, dial back everyone’s contributions.

Are you prone to the “if i don’t have this side-dish, it’s not Thanksgiving” syndrome? Remember that you can make side dishes another day. You can visit other families another weekend. Don’t consign thanksgiving/Thanksgiving to a single date. Eat and be happy with the people you love. And if you can’t be there, set up the camera and skype. Let your families be together, wherever they are!

Tip: consider making Thanksgiving a celebration for which you are grateful. Beautiful table settings, family recipes, family time — these are not things we have too much of in our lives. So instead of thinking about the possible horrors, move into pollyanna mode (anyone remember who she was?) and start being grateful. Have a blessed day, my friends! (and here’s a NY Times article about what you can learn from Turkey Day at home.)

Money Matters

I recently heard from a bride who had money regrets. Somewhere in the midst of the wedding planning process she had slipped on the “oh, let’s make this more and more beautiful” banana.

End result, she outspent her budget. She’s not the first and she’s not the last.  Unless you decide to make it different. It’s not a great idea to combine wedding party post partum slump with how do I manage my life. It can easily become a bit overwhelming, and lead to tussles with your new spouse.

Tip: As with everything else, a little planning can help this. And that’s not just wedding planning, it’s life and marriage planning. What’s important in your wedding? You’re marrying your beloved. Your job, together with your partner, is to figure out what’s really going to make that work. And then design a celebration that suits the life you’re going to build.

What Does It Mean to Be Engaged?

Once you get engaged, it seems all the focus goes on the wedding. Brides and grooms bustle about getting this and that in order for the big party.

What they don’t do enough of is be engaged in the relationship. This is a time period best used to work out issues, establish patterns and deepen your relationship.

Planning a party is fun. Planning your wedding ceremony is important. But planning a path for your love to grow? It’s essential. And it’s the goal.

Tip: What were the most important moments of your engagement period? How did your relationship deepen over this time? (other than the financial ties you built when you took out a second mortgage to pay for your wedding?)

Last thought on Wedding Programs

You don’t need to have a wedding program. They seem to be a fairly recent trend. All through the 80s, when performing weddings in non-church locales, people managed to get married without them.

I succumbed, I admit it. But my wedding ceremony was involved and had responsive readings. (I am the Wedding Priestess, after all!)

But if your wedding ceremony is straightforward, you don’t have to have one. Your bridal party will be introduced at the reception. And they’re not inexpensive, even if you design them.

Tip: consider whether or not you’re having wedding programs because you need them or because the wedding industry thinks you need them.