Start to Develop your Holiday Traditions

Here’s a great way to start figuring out what really matters to you in your life. If you do the work for the holidays, you’ll have a headstart when you start planning your wedding. What? You didn’t know you get to have your wedding be about your values? Now you do!

Before you start making a lot of holiday plans that you might get stuck in forever, why not figure out what makes each of you and both of you happy about the holidays?

  1. What do you like to do? What are your favorite holiday memories? How can you repeat them?
  2. What do you care about? From cookies, to caroling to volunteering? What do the holidays say to you?
  3. Who do you want to spend time with? Are holidays about friends? family? people in need? You get to choose!
  4. What holiday traditions would you like to establish in your own home? When you’re newly engaged or newly married, it can be easily assumed that you’ll go to other people’s houses. That may not be the only way you want to have the holidays.

Tip: Talking about these things and planning ahead will serve you in very good stead inĀ  the years to come. It will also establish a pattern of discerning what really matters to you which will be great for the wedding and for your life. Why not have yourselves a happy little holiday season?

No, Really, Carry a Fan, Not a Bouquet at Your Winter Wedding!

I’d done some research about fans for my column over on Examiner.com (you can find this by scrolling down and checking out the right hand column). I’d started thinking about fans as something to carry at winter weddings when flowers are, shall we say, scarce!

There are lots of fun things to do with fans. Victorian women (of the leisure class, which would leave a lot of us without a feather to flutter) had an entire language of fans. It doesn’t seem like a bad idea to excavate some of the language of flirtation to start having more fun in your play life with your partner.

I’d seen some fairly jeweled and ornamental fans and admired them. But now I’m totally in love. Isn’t this gorgeous? Wouldn’t it have looked fabulous against my black velvet wedding dress? How about against your white satin one? Flowers, they’re so summer!

you can find lots of fun ways to use this over at http://handfanpro.com

Tip: Go ahead and play at your wedding. Look your best and have a good time.

In Great Gratitude: Happy Thanksgiving

Last night on Facebook I noticed one of “my” brides celebrating her husband, with whom she was happily keeping promises. I got the goofiest smile on my face.

Just so you know, there is no greater joy than your success as individuals, as couples and as families. Thank you for letting me play a role in celebrating your lives.

Tip: Let’s hear it for Love and its infinite power to change things. And let’s hear it for the daily gratitude that keeps our hearts overflowing.

Give up the Holidays Fraught with Tension

Are you dreading the thanksgiving dinner with all the family dynamics?

Why?

It’s just food and family. There’s nothing more wonderful.

If there’s too much tension going on, dial it back. Dial back your expectations of the meal, dial back everyone’s contributions.

Are you prone to the “if i don’t have this side-dish, it’s not Thanksgiving” syndrome? Remember that you can make side dishes another day. You can visit other families another weekend. Don’t consign thanksgiving/Thanksgiving to a single date. Eat and be happy with the people you love. And if you can’t be there, set up the camera and skype. Let your families be together, wherever they are!

Tip: consider making Thanksgiving a celebration for which you are grateful. Beautiful table settings, family recipes, family time — these are not things we have too much of in our lives. So instead of thinking about the possible horrors, move into pollyanna mode (anyone remember who she was?) and start being grateful. Have a blessed day, my friends! (and here’s a NY Times article about what you can learn from Turkey Day at home.)