More Blessings from MY Middle-Aged Marriage

I don’t know whether it’s because I hadn’t had children or because my sister had lost her two, leaving only my brother’s two to continue the next generation. Or if it’s because I’m inherently lazy and love the notion of loving someone else’s children (less diapers and college tuitions, doncha know.) But I have harbored the dream of a mate with children long before I met SweetPea.

I know there are people whose dream of Step-Children hasn’t worked out well. One friend has had major disappointments with her partner’s children. 20 years after his divorce, they (the fully grown children with their own grown children) still harbor hopes their parents will get back together. This couple has been together for years, she’s as generous and welcoming as it comes, and they’re having none of it.

HikingBoyYesterday I introduced you to the Queen of Everything. Today, here’s a shot of Hiking Boy. (I know, it’s a little stereotypical, isn’t it? But they’re both California Kids. QOE has hiked as well, and doesn’t wear her crown when she does!)

It’s hard to balance life when kids live far away. I’m just getting to know Selena, Maya and Gary and now Grace and AJ are scooting along, squirming their way into my heart. But the gift of love and of seeing your beloved in another light and loved for who he is, that’s a pretty great gift. Relationships: they’re so much richer than we can understand!

Tip: Keep looking to make more love. It makes the world a far richer place and your life more fun. Here’s GentleBoy so you know it’s not all about Grizzly Adams for AJ! “My” kids have been open and welcoming. And they’re fabulous people. I’m lucky. But my guess is that your beloved has fabulous children as well. After all, your beloved is fabulous!


What do you want from a Metaphor: #7

The image of a metaphor is strengthened if

7. it is somewhat common.

You want to reinforce the notion that love is ubiquitous and that your relationship thrives in the every day. Marriage, after all is an every day activity. The metaphor you choose to illustrate your love in your wedding ceremony should be frequently encountered.

If something is too exotic in your life, then your chances of encountering it are slimmer. You loose the reinforcement that common activities offer. So using an image that involves the life-cycle of a camel if you live in Rhode Island, even if it can be made gloriously beautiful, is not going to provide the daily reinforcement that the tides of the sea or the changing of the seasons might.

Tip: Choose a metaphor to describe your relationship that has value and frequency in your life. Then it can be something more than poetic beauty, it can be a marital aid.

Your Wedding Ceremony: Getting Strong, Getting Pampered


As a wedding celebrant I get all kinds of things in the mail both, snail and cyber. Today’s e-mail brought a lovely idea for a before wedding party with your girlfriends (bachlorette without or before the alcohol) or for the morning of your wedding with your attendants.

Consider doing a yoga class or pilates workout to relax and work on your glow for the wedding. (you probably want to do some sort of yoga or exercise on a regular basis, or have someone REEEALy good teaching the class. But think what all those endorphins and oxygen will do for your glow! And how amazing to be relaxed and breathing before your wedding!

So why not take care of yourself before the wedding? And then refreshed, go enjoy your day!


p.s. nothing that says boys can’t glow either! If guys take classes that’s great. They might rather go for a run or a bike ride. (and so might you!) but In with the good air! Out with the bad!

Wedding Dance: Have Fun and Be Who You Are!

The wedding dance doesn’t need to be this big horrible thing you fear. It can actually be fun. My SweetPea and I took lessons with our friends and got tea in the bargain for 4 weeks in a row. (SweetPea says it was so much fun he wants to do it again. Unfortunately, he’s busy all the time from now until forever, so as much as he’d LIKE to do it again, he’s too busy!)

Don’t add it to the most terrible things that ever happened to you wedding planning list. Let it be fun. This couple certainly did!

Tip: Approach the wedding dance with plans to have a good time. Look, if nothing else, you get to hold your sweetie in your arms and consider being married. If it’s really not working, finish it with a twirl and a dip. Everyone can learn to do a dip. Then kiss. I’ll bet you’re really good kissers.

2nd Tip: Unless you’re really good at this, find a shortened version of your favorite song! Or invite your parents onto the floor halfway through.

MABs: Wedding Dress Cake – don’t try this at home!

A doll stuck in a wedding cake skirt was one of the entries at the local town fair bake-off this September. Can you believe I’m just writing to tell you about this? And that I don’t have a camera? Well this poor little dolly’s skirt was so heavy that it was pulling her bodice off her boobs. There we were, 2 middle-aged and one young woman holding on to one another and laughing our heads off. It was definitely a fashion no-no and spoke to the need for good undergarments!

and seriously… you want good undergarments. forget the notion of a gorgeous underwear, never before worn, especially for your wedding. Try this at home: wear it around — for at least an entire day. If it isn’t comfy, it isn’t a go for the wedding. breathing is important. nothing sticking into your beautiful breasts! Nothing constricting your stomach past the comfort zone (which gets smaller as the night goes on.) And what if your beautiful lace thong itches? NO! Don’t do it. This is worth spending to get what you need and even admitting you made a mistake. Shop early — and often if you need to!

You can do this. You can do anything. in fact, you probably already have! So of course you can have a fabulous wedding!