Oh, says WP, pulling her hair. reading the Washington Post today, I came across an editorial proposing Catholic Blessings of Same-Sex Unions. Sigh. They thought celibacy in marriage was a good thought. Just, as I’m sure you know, infertile couples are celibate, aging couples are celibate, and couples who’ve just had babies and know it’s too soon to have another are celibate.
I’ll say this many times. There is not too much love in the world. There are not too many committed relationships. The more committed relationships there are, the more successful committed relationships there will be. The Law can not circumscribe the wisdom of the heart.
Tip: Go read the article and scroll down and read what I said. And yes, Wedding Priestess DID spell her name wrong. It was early, ok?
60 years ago today, the UN passed the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. This Declaration and human rights have been under siege at home and all over the world. In the marriage corner human rights are threatened as states rush to pass discriminatory marriage amendments.
Marriage is sacred. But we do not treat it as such. More than 50 percent of first time marriages end in divorce. Are we marrying too early, too hastily, with not enough thought or conviction? The sacredness of marriage is not in who marries but in who keeps the commitments.
Same Sex Marriage: Their Right, Everyone’s Responsibility
Tip: Speak out in favor of the rights of gays and lesbians to marry and for their families to have the protection of the law. Shore up your own marital success and surround yourself with people who make and keep loving promises.
Ok, you designed the document, you signed your vows, your celebrant put her Janessa Hancock on the dotted lion and your guests gleefully signed as witnesses. Now what. Now comes the part that many of us just never quite get around to. PUT IT UP. that’s it. that’s all you need to do. Take some of the $$ you got from your wedding presents and go to the frame store.
If you’re having a legal ceremony, then you need to have the celebrant sign it and if you live in a state that has witnesses, they must sign as well. In most states, the celebrant needs to send the doc in, because the couple that we’re trusting to live in connubial bliss cannot be trusted to put a stamp on an envelope without tampering with the information… ? ANYWAY.
Tip: Now that that’s out of the way, the first thing you want to do when you come back from your honeymoon is trot your Marriage Covenant over to the local Frame Shop and get it matted and framed. While that’s happening think about which spot in your house will be the best spot for your covenant. While you’re at the framing store to pick it up, pick up the hardware to hang it, come home, bang the nail into the wall and hang your vows on the wall for everyone who enters your house to see!
Ok, you’ve picked a symbol for your marriage for the covenant, you’ve written your vows (woot, woot!) you and your celebrant have agreed what language you’re going to use about this sacred relationship (again, I say, marriage!) and now it’s time to enlist your community’s support.
In each of my wedding ceremonies rather than ask the community if anyone objects, I ask them if everyone is willing to support the relationship. Because I think it’s important to make promises out loud, rather than just respond “I do” or “We are” or whatever the appropriate words are, I always ask the community to repeat after me. I almost always use these words:
“Partner & Partner, We are witnesses of your intentions and we pledge you our love and support.”
You might want to say… “we pledge you and your marriage” our love and support to clarify that your community views your relationship as marriage.
Tip: Design a statement of support along with your celebrant. Have your celebrant, or someone else, lead the community in repeating the statement. Then, inscribe those words on the covenant, and leave room for everyone to sign… I must say this is one of those places where I don’t like the sign all over the document, thing, put little lines in to sign just as if it were a legal document, because, surprise, it just might be!
There’s lots of argument these days, thanks to the marriage equality movement about what is a marriage. I think the religious guys have it wrong. (now there’s a surprise!) I think the legal portion of oh, now, what am I going to call it, marriage, is about protection for the family. That should be accomplished by a civil union. Everyone should have access to a civil union. No separate but equal, just a civil protection of your rights as a couple and a family. And then there should be a celebration of the marriage (if one chooses). The wedding ceremony celebrates the spiritual or sacred union, in my lexicon. This is true for all marriages.
Tip: Find a religious institution or a priest, minister, celebrant or officiant, who will help you create a ceremony that celebrates your particular Love and the marriage that will be the outgrowth of it. Once you’ve designed the ceremony, make sure the celebrant announces that you are married. Have that announcement already incorporated into your marriage covenant and ask your celebrant to sign it. Then: Hang it on the wall and live into the marriage that is worthy of your great love!