No, you can’t Twitter at the Altar

Sarah (thanks my dear!) posted a link on Facebook about a bride and groom twittering and facebooking at the altar. There’s a video which I can’t bear to watch which shows a young (too young?) minister/celebrant/officiant/something looking on.

Someone else can address the religious aspects of this. If this is a religious ceremony, is it respectful? Clergy, please weigh in on this. If you’ve invited the Divine to show up at your wedding, should She/He have to wait around while you get in touch with people who don’t care because people who do care are at your wedding? I know that there’s a craze in certain traditions for people to twitter during church about church. um, the multitasking thing? not paying attention! um, marriage? really, really important!

The groom said he did it to be funny. Not paying attention at your wedding ceremony to the vows you’re making is not funny, it’s just immature. And there’s that other thing. It’s impolite. To your community, to your celebrant and to that person who just said she/he wants to spend the rest of their life with you.

And why do I think that this is a picture of a wedding where the couple are “cutely” tweeting their vows to one another. Do you see anyone at the table who cares?

Tweet, tweet love aint what it used to be

Tweet, tweet love ain't what it used to be

Tip: Sorry, the Wedding Priestess disagrees. This is not a sweet personal touch in a wedding ceremony. When technology gets your grandma in the nursing home at your wedding, that’s a good use of the tech. When you take time off to show everyone how cute you are, whether that’s with technology or a piece of string, that’s inappropriate!

Money Matters

I recently heard from a bride who had money regrets. Somewhere in the midst of the wedding planning process she had slipped on the “oh, let’s make this more and more beautiful” banana.

End result, she outspent her budget. She’s not the first and she’s not the last.  Unless you decide to make it different. It’s not a great idea to combine wedding party post partum slump with how do I manage my life. It can easily become a bit overwhelming, and lead to tussles with your new spouse.

Tip: As with everything else, a little planning can help this. And that’s not just wedding planning, it’s life and marriage planning. What’s important in your wedding? You’re marrying your beloved. Your job, together with your partner, is to figure out what’s really going to make that work. And then design a celebration that suits the life you’re going to build.

Last thought on Wedding Programs

You don’t need to have a wedding program. They seem to be a fairly recent trend. All through the 80s, when performing weddings in non-church locales, people managed to get married without them.

I succumbed, I admit it. But my wedding ceremony was involved and had responsive readings. (I am the Wedding Priestess, after all!)

But if your wedding ceremony is straightforward, you don’t have to have one. Your bridal party will be introduced at the reception. And they’re not inexpensive, even if you design them.

Tip: consider whether or not you’re having wedding programs because you need them or because the wedding industry thinks you need them.

Add a Dedication to Your Wedding Program

Sometimes there are things you want to say at your wedding that are hard to say out loud. You may have a favorite relative or friend who has died and who will not be able to be with you that day. You may not want or be able to say the words yourself or to hear them from your celebrant. Your wedding program is a lovely place to put a short (hear that, short) dedication to them. “Today’s joyous celebration is dedicated to the memory of Kate’s grandmother, Mimi Dodge, who taught her so much about living life to the fullest.” That’s plenty.

Or you may want to dedicate your ceremony to the people who have inspired the two of you to marry by their wonderful examples of lifelong relationship. You can mention some, or you can allow everyone to assume that they’re the people who inspired you. Which will actually have a great impact on their marriages.

Tip: Whatever you choose to do with a dedication, keep it short!

Use Your Wedding Program to Let People Know What’s Going On

Three prime reasons for a wedding program are to give people

  1. the order of service
  2. the name of music and poetry pieces being used
  3. any longer readings in which they’ll participate

You do not want to publish short responses or the poems being read. People are congenitally incapable of listening when they’ve got reading matter in their hands. You want people listening to your words. They’re at your service to hear you make your promises to one another, not to read a lovely poem. Help them out!

Tip: Keep the reading material to your wedding at a minimum and you’ll have a far more engaged crowd!