As you get closer to your wedding date it sometimes seems that you drop into a state of wedding zombie-ness…
In the run up to the day, as you’re taking care of those last minute somethings, in stores where other brides and grooms are shopping, it’s easy to look across the aisle at something that isn’t on your list and think wow… wouldn’t that be a nice addition to what we’ve got going on.
- It’s not in your budget. And those last minute adds are the budget breakers, even $30 at a time!
- It’s not in your plan. You very carefully considered what was going to make your wedding wonderful. You’ve got the elements. No need to gild the lily!
- It’s just stuff. Stuff you’re going to have to take home. Stuff you’re going to have to dispose of or recycle. Stuff isn’t going to make your wedding sing, the love you share with your community: your love for one another and your love for them is what’s going to make your wedding remarkable.
Antidote: Call a partner and make a date for romance. Go out, share a drink and stare into one another’s eyes. Go home and practice your kiss and see where that leads. Either or both of these are a lot more fun than stress shopping. (And cheaper!)
Money and Marriage Advocate, Dr. Taffy Wagner is a personal finances educator. When she goes to the movies she always looks at movies from the perspective of what more could have been shared in the area of finances or what was shared that couples or individuals can use.
There will be regular posts on new and old movies that talk about the money implication. Go check it out here!
Tip: She’s doing the work to show you where you might want to be doing some work about finances in your marriage. Well worth the gander!
On Sunday, my friend and colleague, Elizabeth Oakes, wrote an article in examiner.com which decried soliciting donations for a wedding. It described wedding couples who are getting deals from vendors in exchange for notices on the tables or in the program. huh?
It’s no surprise to anyone here that I charge, and quite handsomely, for my services in crafting and performing wedding ceremonies and helping you create the promises you will keep. It’s also true that I offer DIY options in the forms of books and products. (Please visit my shop for products that can help you craft the wedding ceremony of your dreams!) I have a good track record and my clients tend to have higher rates of marital success because they’ve carefully thought through their promises. I would argue that the one thing you need at a wedding ceremony is a celebrant. It’s my opinion that the right celebrant can make a difference not only in your wedding but also in your relationship going forward.
But favors? You don’t need favors to be married. If you can’t afford to feed 350 people you need either to feed them cake only or to invite fewer people. People are not entitled to expensive weddings, nor do they need them. Most of us aren’t celebrities, we don’t have to have a celebrity wedding.
We will all prosper from having supportive friends at our wedding. But we shouldn’t be buying them nor should they be buying us.
Am I a hypocrite because I had a pot-luck wedding? I don’t think so. Pot-luck weddings are a family tradition. Our community was looking for a party and happy to play wedding. Incredible bonds were created by that wedding among all sorts of unlikely parties. While Steve and I had a wedding we really wanted, our community participated in a community event that was also our wedding. Somehow I’m always happy to make a gift of love and food as part of a celebration, but I’m drawing the line at cold cash. I hope you’ll think about how you want your community to participate in your celebration and what you want to offer them, rather than what they can offer you.
I don’t know, Elizabeth, am I wrong? Is there a difference between pot-luck and cash?
Tip: If you’re not following Elizabeth’s column, you should be. Sign up when you go read her article.
Back with the Newsweek article discussing why women want to consider bottom line in making marriage choices:
The principal argument that Ford and Drake make in Smart Girls Marry Money has to do with the fact that women’s salaries have not yet caught up to men’s. And that should influence our marriage choices, we ask incredulously?
Well, if you’re planning to have children, “yes,” they say. “We gals just haven’t come far enough or fast enough,” they say. “We know it’s important to take the long view of things, but as we’ve heard said, in the long view, we’ll all be dead.”
Tip: Well, planning for your future is important. And certainly any bride who’s able to pull off the wedding you’re looking at is capable of planning. But if you’re not going to marry rich, you might to at least want to consider, planning your finances. Go check out Dr. Taffy who helps couples clear up their money issues before they marry (now there’s a concept!). She’s here to help you plan for your marriage with the guy you’re already in love with. (You still might want to read Drake and Ford’s book, however, I think it will make you think about the way you make choices.)
I’ve been writing a series over on http://articlesbyann.com about planning your wedding cheaply. The thing I keep stressing in that series is that you can change what you do and how you think about your budget when you focus on meaning rather than money.
In today’s great examiner.com article, Elizabeth Oakes rues the mass purchasing weddings. She asks whether you really save money and reminds us that these weddings require a far greater time commitment of brides and grooms. Always amusing, (really, read her, follow her over there.) she points out that you often get exactly what you paid for. Another thing I never have understood about weddings is why everyone wants their weddings to be exactly like the next one. Warehouse weddings offer way too many possibilities for that.
Tip: There are lots of good ways to cut costs at weddings. Some of them include not doing some of the “musts” at weddings. (Never saw a reception that wasn’t impoved by skipping the expensive garter toss!) But here are a couple things to consider.
- Make a wedding budget, figure out where you want to spend your money and stick to it. So much of wedding cost is over-run.
- Simplify your wedding notions. What are you really trying to accomplish here? And you know what, there’s nothing that says you can’t have a great party at some other point in your life. Gather your friends on a frequent basis, it’ll make your marriage better and it’ll be a lot of fun.
- Shift from money to meaning. Create a fabulous wedding ceremony and great wedding vows. Now people are there for the celebration and not the party and that’s a good thing.