If you’re going to get support from your community, it’s really helpful to acknowledge that you understand that marriage is challenging as well as wonderful. Too many weddings focus only on the pleasure and not on the work of marriage. Too many people split up because they underestimate the work involved in making a live with someone else. And making it look magical and wonderful — that’s an exponential increase in effort. Most people will tell you it’s well worth your while, but it is hard work.
Tip: You want to let your community know that you admire the ways in which they have made their relationships flourish and that you will be needing their support so that you can thrive. You’re going to need them to listen to you and turn you around and shove you back towards home when times are tough. They’ve always supported you and that’s why you’re going to keep looking to them for guidance.
It’s helpful to talk at your wedding ceremony, particularly in the statement of support about why this particular community will be helpful to you as you enter marriage. Continue reading
The first part of a Statement of Support includes 2 pieces
- An acknowledgment that marriage is difficult, particularly now when so much mitigates against it. It takes a lot of dedication to make marriage work. Everyone enters marriage expecting it to work. But for all the fa-der-ol about the “sanctity” of marriage, it doesn’t have a lot of importance or support in the real world.
- An acknowledgment of the importance of community to a wedding couple.The facts are in. Couples do better when their community supports them and this important relationship. The more specific a couple can be about why their relationship is important to them in the wedding, the better able a community is to support that marriage in the future.
Tip: Explain the important role that communities make in keep marriages sound. You’re going to ask people for support. Let them know why it matters. They’re more likely to step up to the task. End result? Closer friends and a better marriage!
This is a piece of the wedding that every ceremony ought to have but few do. Bottom line, marriages that are grounded in community do better. If you tell your community you want their support, they’re going to be more conscious about giving it to you. Continue reading
Every marriage should have a blessing invoked. The question for you is: who do you want doing your blessing?
- If you’re religious, this would be the perfect place for a first prayer.
- If you’re not religious, or if you’re spiritual in a way that understands the divine to be located in the people of your community, take a page out of Marcia Falk, who wrote The Book of Blessings. She uses the phrase “Let us Bless” because it places the responsibility in the hands of the community.
Tip: Every relationship needs a reminder that marriage is bigger than the two of you, that there are responsibilities to grow into life-long marriage but that sometimes you’ll want some support for that growth. Ask for it!