Last night I sat at dinner next to a bride who has actually planned out her wedding ceremony (and her wedding is still months away! Go, grrl!) Her minister was pleased but taken aback. Who plans ahead for this? Who has input to offer their celebrant?
I’m on a roadtrip with my friends Barb and Paul. We’re winding around the mid-west with their new RV as our focus. We’re proving to be persistent hunters. It’s proving to be a bit elusive! There have been problems to solve, but we’re going to the source.
This has been a wonderful journey for a newly wed and a wedding priestess. Here they are with all these very real obstacles: you can’t ride in a motor home in your wheel chair if you can’t lock in; it’s hot; handicapped accessible rooms that aren’t; they’re both tired from a lot of traveling, barb’s pain-level hovers constantly near intolerable, and obtw, this camping thing is something they’re excited about, but will have lots of challenges. All of their skills are being tested. And you know what? They’re thriving.
They get nervous, they find a solution. So far, I haven’t seen those solutions include flare-ups between them. They have different skill sets, different levels of curiousity about different things. And they’re coping. They’re holding on to the dream of how exciting it is and making it all work. And when we get back into the car to go to the next place they’re laughing and affectionate.
Now I know them, I know they’re human. I’m sure there are gripes and snipes that they’re not sharing with me (another learning point!) But this project has been by starts and turns exciting, disappointing, worrying, overwhelming. And they’re having an adventure. And they’re doing it all with me there.
It’s a privilege. and it’s funner than lots of things I’ve done recently!
Tip: there’s no reason to take your stress out on one another. Solving problems can make you happy and better connected. And going off on adventures is a great way to build and polish your skill set — and have a great time! This is marriage building! Try it, you’ll like it!
I think too many wedding photos focus on the joy (and joy’s not a bad thing!) but somehow miss the other astonishing feelings that run through the brides and grooms on their wedding days.
But what about the disbelief? the desire, the awe, the trepidation, the commitment? All those things you feel on your wedding day, you want represented in your album. If you did that, those photos would remind you every time you looked at them, not only how incredibly happy you were to be married, but what you felt for one another as you made your wedding vows. Those reminders can keep you actively involved in your wedding vows and your marriage.
Tip: Go read my article on what to whisper to one another during your photos and make your photos a true reflection of your wedding day.
I’m not sure how it happens. But I hear from too many couples that it does. One moment you’re thrilled, holding hands and marrying the love of your life. The next moment you’re both embroiled in wedding planning and there’s no time to be lost cooing sweet nothings in one another’s ear.
Nonsense! You need to make time during the big rush to the big day to carve outout time for yourselves. You need to take walks, go to dinners, grab a drink, take a bike ride, go for a picnic and NOT talk about the wedding. You might not even want to talk about your marriage, which The Wedding Priestess is always bugging you to do. You might just want to have a good time.
Tip: Marriage is not a project, it’s an adventure. There’s plenty of hard work, to be sure, but there’s lots of wonderful things to experience. Make sure you make time to build fun and wonderful memories. Wedding Planning should not be that stretch in your life where you did nothing but make decisions about colors and tulle vs chiffon. It should be about building your love!
The New York Times is running a series entitled State of the Unions. It’s taking a look at their society wedding couples and seeing how their marriage went. The first video is of Susan Layton and Bill Palmer, who married 15 years ago. It’s positively wonderful to hear them talk of their successful marriage.
Tip: Go take a listen here!